do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
