someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
