i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
4 words: hood of his car
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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