Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
