dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
