Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize