I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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