4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
