And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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