Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
