i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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