Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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