Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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