Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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