All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
