i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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