Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
