I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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