new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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