you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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