STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
