we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
