EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
