Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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