you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
