someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
