you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
