so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
