her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
40s are totally the cure
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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