so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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