(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
