my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
this beer tastes like vomit already
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
