At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
