I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
