We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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