If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
