I heard we made out
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize