bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
