Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
