Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
