You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
