I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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