So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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