I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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