I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
sarcasm needs its own font
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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