I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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