I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Randomize
