she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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