Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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