I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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