if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
