I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize