After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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