shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
