well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
