he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
