Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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