I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
