I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
