Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize