Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
