these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize