Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize