Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
