Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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