i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize