Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
