Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
