She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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