you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
