So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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