sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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