He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
home. puking in laundry basket.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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